I remember the day of graduation, my heart felt empty, as if everyone's sadness had disappeared as if there was no tomorrow. Now it's been almost a year, and it seems like everyone is doing well. It seems like every day of parting is always rainy, and we are no exception. On the day of graduation, the drizzling raindrops seemed to wash away our four years of memories, leaving behind happiness, sadness, growth, and the foolish things we did together in our youth.
That day, we were in Jia Kai's dormitory, talking about the many times we complained about this dormitory over the past four years. Dingge took out the magnet we used to steal water from the bathroom, and we all smiled at each other. Looking at the originally crowded dormitory, now empty, there are no more messy quilts on the beds, only empty bed boards. There are no more computers with screens that are always on the table, only the indelible mark left by the computer that was always placed there. There are no more shoes scattered on the floor, only a beer can left over from yesterday. Suddenly, it feels like we are about to leave. I really hope that one day, when I wake up, I can still see Youge taking pictures with his phone. I really hope that one day in the early morning, I can pull Jige and Youge out of bed and go out for barbecue. I really hope that one day in the afternoon, we can sit by the Yongjiang River, drinking beer and bragging about life, while saying "fuck life". I really hope that one day... maybe it won't happen, it seems like everyone has lost that youthful foolishness, and will no longer do these childish things. It seems like no one is living the life they expected, but isn't that how life is? Rarely do people look back on the road they have walked, and the road ahead is mostly unclear. They just focus on the path under their feet, walking unsteadily. Some people walk hand in hand, while others walk alone.
I remember that morning, holding the meal card that I had promised to use for the cafeteria for a whole semester, and had the last breakfast with everyone. We ordered dishes that we usually hesitated to order, and took a lot of them, but it seemed like no one had much appetite that day, and everyone ate very little. Then I said, "Damn it, I didn't dare to eat so much for four years, why can't I eat now?"
That day, when we left Jia Kai's dormitory, Longge suddenly squatted at the door of the dormitory and burst into tears. Longge, a muscular man, a tough guy, was squatting at the door of the dormitory, crying like a child. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I might never have believed it in my life. I walked up to him without saying anything and handed him a cigarette, lighting it for him.
That day, Xigua disappeared for a long time. It wasn't until we sent Jia Kai, sent Jiji, sent Youge, that he appeared. Then I asked him, "Where did you go?" He said, "I really can't bear to say goodbye, so I ran to the playground." At that moment, my heart seemed to stop, and then a warm rush surged to my head, but I didn't cry, I just hugged Xigua and said, "It's okay, you're doing well in Ningbo, we will come to see you often in the future." Then, I took my luggage and said to Xigua, "I'm leaving." Xigua looked at me for a long time, and then said, "I'll see you off." I said, "No need." Before I finished speaking, Xigua took my luggage. Xigua escorted me all the way to the train station, watching me get on the train. I said, "I'm leaving." He said, "Okay." There were no extra words, and as soon as the train started, I cried. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Maybe, a man's tears can only flow when no one is around. Maybe.
That day...
That day...
That day...
Maybe now I don't have the same feelings as that day, and I won't understand why I cried at that time. But maybe it was the suppressed feeling of parting, or maybe it was for the four years of youth.